What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 10:05
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What are some ways to improve speed in sprinting, running uphill, and long/middle distance running?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Who is someone that inspires you?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We were not on the streets..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I could never make a relationship work though!
All the time i was locked up.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My ex moved on so fast. How can I overcome the pain?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Can you write a letter to your first love without mentioning his/her name?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why are women attracted to ugly guys?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I have no regrets .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why do people with trauma easily recognize other people with trauma through eye contact?
And i lived it daily.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
In your humble opinion, why does the narcissist mistake kindness for weakness in some people?
So, i spoilt her more .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why do old men think young women and girls would want them over guys their own age?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
When she asked me how she looked .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im still living with it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Who then, do I blame.?
I write beautiful poetry .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was seconnd youngest,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But it wasn’t much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Was to survive, this bastard.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was scared of men, in general
We all went to grammer schools
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She married twice! .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is soul school!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was 9 years of age.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was in good health!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Comes on , in middle age.
Ive learnt so much.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
She wouldn,t have been !
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She loved him until the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
It was going to be , some day.
He knew the spot.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I think the readers, may guess!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was very sick at this time too.
I will be 64.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What did i know ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Would this be the day?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I waited trembling.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I said to her
So whats the point in blame.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I don,t even have a pension.
But, we were locked up after school.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She found it foreign!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..